Rebecca Berger
Life is full of shades of gray, not just white or black. That's the view of Marlton lawyer Rebecca A. Berger.
Berger has seen those grays all around her as she practices family law — primarily in divorce and domestic violence cases — from Charny, Karpousis, Altieri & Donoian P.A., the law firm based in 10 Lake Center on Route 73 next to Bertucci's restaurant.
“I recognize there are a lot of grays in life,” Berger said in an interview with 70and73.com.
But the grays haven't been only in her professional life, where she is a partner at the law firm and recently was appointed to the New Jersey Supreme Court State Domestic Violence Working Group, which has a role in resolving the systemic issues facing the courts in the area of domestic violence.
Berger, 45, also has seen those grays throughout her remarkable personal life, where her rise to law degree, clerkship with a judge and seven years in the Burlington County Prosecutor's Office came after she overcame obstacles that likely would have derailed all but the most tenacious.
She grew up in an Irish Catholic household in Clayton borough, Gloucester County, where "nobody would have ever thought that I would have been a teen mother.”
Yet she became pregnant immediately after graduating high school and just before starting community college. Her parents knew nothing of the relationship or her pregnancy. "They found out everything all at once," Berger recalled.
That sent Berger down a path of figuring out ways for her and her daughter to survive, and along the way working through the people who would judge her based on her circumstances.
Berger and her daughter went on welfare, got food stamps and had their first apartment in her hometown. She discovered a state program that would pay for both school and daycare, so she attended Harris School of Business and chose the legal technology degree, graduating nine months later in June 1995 after interning for an attorney.
After graduation, she went to work for the lawyer and decided to go to college — working full-time and attending classes part-time. She started at Gloucester County College as she did paralegal work and managed a legal office.
In 1998 she graduated from GCC and went to Rutgers University-Camden, graduating in 2002. At that point, she was considering a doctorate in psychology or law school.
As she alternated between work and classes, her daughter was at the center of her life. "At the end of my day, my focus was on my daughter," she said. "Children need to be children. You get one childhood," said said. "She's my best friend. We're incredibly close. We talk about everything."
Throughout the struggling years with her daughter, there were times Berger wanted to give up. But "that was not an option," she said, and she kept going.
Berger used to take her young daughter to law school classes and a seed must have been planted: her daughter went to law school, writing her application essay on her time spent in law classes, and hearing the naysayers and recognizing her mother's sacrifices. Now, like her mom, she is a lawyer in New Jersey.
Although she started out managing a medical malpractice law firm, Berger wanted to be in the courtroom. She was advised to work for the prosecutor because assistant prosecutors were involved in all aspects of preparing their cases, she said. Her last four years were in the Domestic Violence Unit of the Prosecutor's Office.
As she raised her daughter, moved out of welfare and studied law, people judged here, Berger said. Experiencing judgmental attitudes made her realize she should not do the same to others.
"It's not my job to judge somebody and where they are in life," she said of the clients who consult with her about domestic violence. In one case of domestic violence, "I was the first person this person ever told anything to. She was petrified."
Strides have been made in domestic violence law but "there's definitely more to go," Berger explained.
Many are under the assumption the violence in a relationship has to be physical. But much of what Berger sees in her practice are emotional and verbal.
"You can't touch it. You can't take pictures of it," she said of the violence that isn't physical. It includes manipulation and controlling finances.
The court systems are working to educate judges about the emotional side of domestic violence, she said. The public is learning, as well.
"If you have fear, you absolutely should reach out," she said, noting that domestic violence spans all ages, races, socio-economic conditions and religious beliefs. She said every county has some form of domestic violence help program.
Berger proudly calls her office a "no judgment zone." Seeking help from domestic violence in any form can be a huge decision. "When you're ready, I'm here," Berger said.
Sources of help:
New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline, 800.572.7233 (SAFE). 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The hotline "provides confidential access to domestic violence information and services, including crisis intervention, referral and advocacy."
